Understanding Depression: More Than Just Feeling Sad

Depression is often misunderstood.

People sometimes describe depression as simply being sad, having a bad day, or going through a difficult period in life. But depression is much more complicated than that. It can affect the way a person thinks, feels, behaves, sleeps, eats, works, communicates, and sees themselves and the world around them.

For someone experiencing depression, getting through an ordinary day can sometimes feel like an enormous accomplishment.

I know this because depression has been part of my own story for many years. I was first diagnosed with depression and anxiety when my daughter was almost one year old. At the time, I didn't fully understand what was happening to me or how much of my past was connected to what I was experiencing.

I simply knew that something wasn't right.

Looking back now, I can see that my struggles were more complicated than I understood at the time.

What Is Depression?

Depression, clinically known as major depressive disorder when it meets specific diagnostic criteria, is a mental health condition that involves persistent changes in mood, thoughts, and behavior.

Everyone experiences sadness. Everyone has difficult days. Everyone can feel disappointed, overwhelmed, frustrated, or exhausted.

Depression is different.

Depression can last for weeks, months, or longer and can interfere significantly with a person's everyday life.

It isn't simply a decision to be unhappy.

And telling someone to "cheer up" or "think positive" doesn't make depression disappear.

My First Diagnosis

When my daughter was almost one year old, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety.

Becoming a mother was a major change in my life. I loved my daughter, but loving your child and struggling emotionally can exist at the same time.

There is sometimes an assumption that becoming a parent should automatically make someone happy or that having a child should give a person enough motivation to overcome whatever they're experiencing.

Mental health doesn't work that way.

I could love my daughter deeply and still struggle with depression.

I could want to be a good mother and still have days when I struggled to take care of myself.

And I could be grateful for my daughter while still experiencing emotional pain.

Those things aren't contradictions.

They can all be true at the same time.

Depression Doesn't Always Look Like Sadness

One of the biggest misconceptions about depression is that someone with depression will always look sad.

That's not necessarily true.

Depression can look like withdrawal, irritability, exhaustion, anger, numbness, lack of motivation, difficulty concentrating, or losing interest in things that once mattered.

A person can laugh and still be depressed.

They can go to work and still be depressed.

They can take care of their children and still be depressed.

They can talk to friends, post pictures, or appear completely normal while struggling internally.

Sometimes depression isn't crying.

Sometimes it's feeling nothing at all.

When Everyday Tasks Become Difficult

During one of my own long periods of depression, I struggled with things that seemed incredibly basic.

Even making my bed and brushing my teeth became difficult.

Those might sound like small things. Someone might wonder why simply making a bed or brushing your teeth could be so hard.

But depression can drain your energy and motivation to the point where even small tasks feel overwhelming.

Eventually, I realized that these routines mattered to me. My day didn't feel quite right until I had made my bed and brushed my teeth.

What seemed like insignificant accomplishments became reminders that I was beginning to move forward again.

Sometimes recovery doesn't begin with doing something huge.

Sometimes it begins with making your bed.

Sometimes it begins with brushing your teeth.

Sometimes it begins with simply getting out of bed.

Depression Can Affect How You See Yourself

Depression doesn't only change how you feel.

It can change how you think.

Negative thoughts can become louder and harder to challenge. A person may begin believing they aren't good enough, that they're a burden, that nothing will ever change, or that things will always feel this way.

Depression can make temporary circumstances feel permanent.

It can convince you that the way you feel today is the way you will feel forever.

But feelings are not predictions.

Having a terrible day doesn't mean you will have a terrible life.

Being overwhelmed today doesn't mean you will always be overwhelmed.

And feeling hopeless doesn't mean there is no hope.

Depression and Anxiety Can Exist Together

My first diagnosis included both depression and anxiety.

Although they are different conditions, they can occur together.

Depression can make you lose motivation and interest, while anxiety can fill your mind with worry, fear, and "what if" questions.

Sometimes the combination can feel exhausting.

You may be too overwhelmed to do something, while simultaneously feeling guilty or anxious because you aren't doing it.

It can become a cycle that is difficult to break without support.

Depression Doesn't Mean You're a Bad Parent

For me, becoming a mother added another layer to my struggles.

When you're responsible for another person, it can be easy to believe that you aren't allowed to struggle.

You may think you have to be strong all the time.

You may feel guilty for having bad days.

You may wonder whether your child deserves a better version of you.

But struggling with depression does not automatically make someone a bad parent.

Parents are human beings too.

We can love our children fiercely while struggling with our own mental health.

In fact, one of the reasons I wanted to understand my own struggles was because I wanted to be the best mother I could be.

Depression Does Not Mean You're Weak

There is still stigma surrounding depression.

People may be told they need to "toughen up," "get over it," or "stop feeling sorry for themselves."

Those statements misunderstand what depression actually is.

Depression isn't a lack of strength.

Sometimes continuing to get through ordinary days while fighting something nobody else can see requires an incredible amount of strength.

Asking for help isn't weakness either.

It is an acknowledgment that you shouldn't have to carry everything alone.

Recovery Doesn't Always Happen All at Once

Recovery from depression isn't necessarily a straight line.

There may be good days and bad days.

There may be days when you feel like you're finally making progress and other days when you feel like you've gone backward.

That doesn't mean the progress wasn't real.

Healing isn't about never having another difficult day.

It is about learning that a difficult day doesn't have to become a difficult life.

Sometimes progress is obvious.

Other times, it is incredibly small.

Getting out of bed.

Taking a shower.

Brushing your teeth.

Making your bed.

Answering a text.

Going outside.

Asking for help.

Trying again tomorrow.

Those things may not look significant to someone else, but when depression has made everyday life difficult, they can represent enormous progress.

You Are More Than Your Depression

My first diagnosis of depression and anxiety gave me a name for part of what I was experiencing.

It didn't explain everything.

As I continued through life, I would experience other difficult chapters and eventually begin to understand how different experiences could affect my mental health.

But one thing has become increasingly clear to me:

A diagnosis can describe something you experience. It does not define who you are.

Depression may be part of my story.

Anxiety may be part of my story.

But neither one gets to become my entire story.

You are more than your worst day.

You are more than your symptoms.

You are more than the things you couldn't accomplish while you were struggling.

And you are more than the version of yourself that existed during your darkest moments.

Depression may be a chapter in your story.

It doesn't have to be the entire book.